Remind him... "Happy Wife, Happy Life!"

Win some, lose some. Next.

In real estate. And in life. Hopefully,  there are more winning" moments. 

These pesky spouses are just cramping your style lately, aren't they TJ?

Fortunately, it's Mama in your corner. She's the one that's going to need to do the convincing. Maybe she's got a few boudoir tricks up her sleeve. 😈

Since the agent competitor is his friend, you may want to bring up that sometimes it's better not to have your friends work with you because complicated transactions can put stress on friendships.

Let us know what happens!

Since this is a divorce, that can be tricky.  Seems like the wife either doesn't have any agent friends, or wants a neutral third party (smart).  The husband wants someone in his corner with his interests at heart only.  My only thoughts on this are: 1) Like Maria Sapio said "Contact the divorce attorney and let him/her advise the clients."  2) Offer to co-list with the friend  3) Walk away from the listing and just have the wife as a buyer client... asuming she stays in the area.

Right.... happens, and it's a tough one. Happens a lot in divorce/separation sales.... ask hubby "what would it take for me to win you over" and/or take him out for lunch and build a buddy rapport...

[If anything goes wrong with the sale, do you want the wife to blame you for making the wrong choice?]

[Want a 'friend' to handle your personal affairs and details of your financials? And what if there's a problem or issues that you don't agree with your friend, will your friend remain your friend? Will your 'friend' tell it to you in your face? Don't forget, real estate is business, friendship and business don't mix....]

Just had that happen last year. It was a divorce situation. The wife won that one. She hired her friend. 

Yes, I actually faced a similar situation - it was very 'sticky' and I recommended that he discuss this with his divorce attorney.  In the end, I willingly gave up the listing since it was in the best interest of my client and my sanity and I was the buyer agent for the new home he purchased.  

Peace trumps 'pay' - so think this one over...if the spouse is determined to be uncooperative, this could be a nightmare you may want to forgo...

I had that last year due to a divorce.  Wife wanted to hire me but husband wanted to hire someone else because of the reduced fee.  Then wife got back to me and asked to reduce my fee lower than the other agent by giving part of my commision under the table to her. No thanks. 

You have to let them fight it out. Most of the time the wife wins.

Ask for a sit-down with the couple. If you can achieve this meeting, explain in a very non-aggressive, non-confrontational manner why you are an excellent choice to represent them. You already know the husband favors the friend/agent. If “friend” is the only attraction for the husband, show him facts about your ability to provide excellent results based on your skills and experience.

In the end, they will make a decision. If the decision is based on fear of offending a friend, there is nothing that you can do. If the decision is based on looking out for their best interest, you should be the choice.

it's out of control....it's up to the woof now to convince him!!!!  Pete Xavier has this right.... husband better wake up.

I had this situation last year, Thomas - wife was my buyer client, attorneys could not agree on an agent and I actually stepped aside for two reasons - they could not agree on a price and both were seeking a far higher-than-value price. Secondly, the husband had bought a home in the same community and was already 'bothering' the wife on a daily basis. I knew he would interfere with the sale if I had been selected so, I bowed out.

Had I really wanted the sale, I would have pulled my stats and the other agent's data as well and shared that information with both husband and wife and the two attorneys. 

Good luck with whatever you decide to do, Thomas!

Ninety nine times out of a hundred if the wife wants to hire me I'm in like Flynn! I don't have to say a thing.

I am with Pete Xavier on his answer

I have not had that happen.  I'd invite them to dinner to discuss their concerns ... her concern about hiring husbands friend and his concern over hiring you.  Lay it all out there. 

YOU will get to a meeting of the minds with them because he will see the light and you will be hired. 

Can you provide comparison statistics that support your side of the argument for her to share with her husband?

Assess whether it is worth the effort first. What is the situation requiring a sale

"How would you win over the other spouse."

The ramification of continued interference is far reaching.

Now, if the intent is a future sale due to divorce, the interference strategy may be justifiable.

But, today, the wise agent will give them the space to work out this 'power struggle' issue on their own.

An alternative would be a meet up with the "NO" and in the privacy of the meet, share your desire for their success and how you are available to add any assistance. "Oh, just for my benefit," you ask, "I know you have made up your mind, but would you share with me your reason for choosing your friend?"  Be alert for indications the decision is based completely on avoiding shame. (a real clue).

The reality is, the FRIEND stayed in touch, created value and had a strategic advantage you could not attain. That is why we spend all that money on those relationship programs and spend money on special events. Your opponent was diligent and could prevail. Actually, in the kingdom or real estate, this agent would be considered completely inept if you were were allowed to negate his advantage.

Your take away is creating relationships based on value, perceived or real, works. Just as we have all learned to avoid Mommy's judgment, we must understand the rest of the world also wants to avoid shame. 

Research the principles behind the creation of Rocket Mortgage and the means to circumvent shame may become apparent.

Although not good, we have experienced co-listings with both agents. 

It happens often and that is a great situation.  I would rather have them hash it out prior to making an offer instead of fighting and dragging their feet and ultimately canceling escrow. I always tell my clients that it is okay if one of the parties sees the home alone because if one doesn't like the home there is no need in showing the other and it gives them a chance to see a home that otherwise might be sold before both have time to meet with us.

 Thomas J. Nelson, Realtor, ePRO, CRS, RCS-D it can get complicated.

Happens a few times a year

Its tough to come against beliefs (even our own) in many matters...the moment we/they are in may have the answer

I had the same thing happen to me. The wife hired me and the husband hired his own agent from a different brokerage.

This happened to me last year and I lost after being of assistance on many real estate matters through their bankruptcy. I think the husband was embarrassed that I knew so much about how he took the family into financial ruin spending his children’s trust account, etc. 

Pete has your answer.

I saw a situation where the court finally had to appoint an agent.

I don't recall that happening but if it did, I would probably just back away because, if things got complicated, the opposing spouse would be quick to be critical and make the job even more difficult. 

Hasn't happened but have lost out to a new agent and relative of the sellers a couple of times.

Pete Xavier has my go to answer as well

Besides, you can't fire friends and keep them as friends :)

Pete Xavier nailed this one!

Thomas J. Nelson, Realtor, ePRO, CRS, RCS-D - let us know how did you 'WIN', my friend....

I don't even try.  If they aren't on the same page I don't want them for clients.

It's usually the other way around where the husband wants to hire me and the wife wants to hire someone else. I win those battles about 50% of the time Thomas...

One solution may be to co-list, and another one may be to pass on the listing, because there may be trouble ahead with the two pecking at each other divorce style!  A

I thought you were talking about something else at first, yes it happens.

In your situation, remind him how important it is to keep the wife happy, much more important than hiring his friend.

Works both ways.

Well that would depend on the reason for saying no or yes

"Just who wears the pants in your family" then shut up and watch the heads roll

I would recommend that mixing business with personal relationships sometimes does not bode well, and relationship can be irreparably damaged.  It's diffiuclt to fire your agent if things don't go well if he/she is a personel friend.  Maybe pay a small referral fee to the other agent??

Thomas J. Nelson, Realtor, ePRO, CRS, RCS-D 

You are going to have a tough time convincing the other party. When the spouse is the husband then I challenge his competitive nature. 

I would ask the husband to do you one favor and to compare the closed number of closed transactions over the last 12 months and let the one with the most closings win. That would place the husband in a dilemma with his natural instincts to go with a winner over the other agent just because he knows them. 

If you lose on transactions then you just lose. 

Compare track records, be honest and open in showing both objectively and ask them to make the decision that's best for them. 

No.

This is a near impossibility.  In my experience the stronger, leading spouse wins over.  However, the alpha spouse also cedes to the weaker in most cases...

Yes, it was a divorce, and sat down with both, and did get the listing.

  Let their lawyer decide. 

I stay out of it. If they choose me, great. If they choose the other person, I'll get the listing when it sits unsold for 6 months.