I would've stopped after the first paragraph - that gives them your info & your offer to help, but leaves the ball in their court. 

A few good answers here.

DO NOT ABANDON THIS MARKETING METHOD!

Wordsmith your FB message to turn towards the reader.

This means, construction of a message that leaves with the reader your question "Is there more?" Everyone is looking for a listener. Be that person.

Now, do you remember the info-line services lenders provided in the past and how these lenders would hunt down the caller to get them on the mortgage band wagon. Seems the approach has changed very little regarding the mindset of the lender or broker. 

Spend some time on FB and observe the granularity availble in sending message to FB users. This is where you need to spend your time and money.

The use the exact same 'turn towards' message.

Skip the second paragraph, too personal.

John, there will be some acceptances and rejections! If you don't like doing something, just skip it.

Sometimes this happens.

Robert nailed this one!

just looking back over some old questions and answers, looks like you got some decent replies to this one.

Annette Lawrence is right on the money ... keep up the Fb marketing, work every lead ... just get a little more creative with your message and you will be fine .. let me know how it works for you.

I definitely would have stopped at the first paragraph or added a second saying that you look forward to hearing from them, followed by your contact information.  Mentioning their photographs implies that you are stalking their account & I could certainly understand why they might feel a tad creeped out.

Defiintely, continue this method of lead generation, but keep it to point.  Good Luck!

I think stopping at the first paragraph would solve the solve the problem. Best of luck. 

The second part seems a little stalkerish. Especially if it was a personal FB page not a business account. 

Facebook is called a social network, however many who use it only wish to connect with their own personal social circle.  I think of it in the terms of would I go to a wedding of people that I don't know just to make a connection. Probably not! I don't use automated connectors and it because I don't like to receive such communication unless I request them.

I too, value my privacy.

I so agree w/ John Meussner .  Just get to the point.  Otherwise, it can sound like you're stalking them...especially if it's a guy writing to a woman.

John,  the home valuation lead survey is a great way to uncover who is  toying with the idea of selling. I typically just drop off or quickly mail a full CMA to their home. If your Facebook Page is informative,they will follow  you and then you may be able to strike up a connection.  Not everyone has the same relationship with facebook.

I think you were innocently trying to establish a connection by commenting on the photos on the person's Facebook page and it was taken as creepy and probably a little scary.

A lender (not John) visited  me at open house and offered a service like what you describe.  He said I'd be able to have access to people's Facebook pages and contact them in hopes of doing business with them.

I told the guy it seemed very invasive and it wasn't for me.  

Some people are very open about being contacted, so maybe stick with it in the way John Meussner suggested and see how it goes.

I'm sorry your experience was so negative, but stick with it for at least a little while and hopefully you'll get some positive responses.